he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
