So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
