i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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