ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
