Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
