I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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