yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
