I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can't turn off my feet"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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