Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
