why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
