im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
