its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
