I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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