At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
