I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We are all done wearing pants today
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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