dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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