It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize