I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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