she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
