There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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