If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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