i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
