i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
