are you still at the devil's house?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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