Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
