Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
