Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
