Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
