Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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