I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
ttyl tear gas
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
