I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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