Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
