she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
