look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
third nipple confirmed
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
