Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
