Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
