I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
