I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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