I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
