I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
