GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
it's great music for shaving your balls
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
