she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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