There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize