hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
please don't ironically join a cult
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