Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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