god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
