you would pick up someone in the library
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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