god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
