Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
