Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
