Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
