problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
