There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
