i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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