Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
