Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
