she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
