you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
