Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
