I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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