i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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