I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
