i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
