You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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