I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
