If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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