life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
wow bdsm is so cute
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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