I want to walk on stilts...naked
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
