I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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