im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
