spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
