Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
it hurts more in the daytime
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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