I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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