Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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