dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize