you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
