Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
